People selected by us do not correspond to the dream image that we have of them. There will be situations in which this dream image is challenged. These situations (“the first meeting”, “a conflict”, …) lead to questioning the meaning of the relationship itself. This is accompanied by various feelings of fear. One thinks too much about how the other person fits into one’s own life and thus goes astray. Especially where one pursues selfish goals, fear of loss develops.

Note: I have made the following music selection for myself. It may therefore appear to you (the reader) to be unsuitable for this structure, as it is based on personal criteria.

Circle of fear

A situation has arisen in which one has accepted that the coherence dance has been lost in the exchange with the partner. One can build up and promote coherance through mutual reporting, while for example inappropriate or tactless behaviour can cause this loss of meaning. Instead of solving this situation together with your partner (love, trust), it has now become apparent that you make your own decisions in silence and these now seem unspoken. The partner will now also notice this as a loss of coherence, as the unspoken decisions are reflected in the further exchange. The resulting distance leads to a fear of breaking off the relationship, because on the level of exchange a break-off has already taken place.

H.I.M. – Circle of Fear Cover (Cover by Liena Narcis)
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Henry Lee

Fear of doom

Doom is something ominous, almost fateful, in which you have been robbed of your life’s dreams by a higher power and now have to eke out an existence in this clouded realm. The loss of the intact image of the partner leads to the fact that one gets into a frightening situation, because one feels robbed of freedom and has even chosen the way into this situation himself. One now fears this result of the dice, because it is revealed that one loses in the game of life and should now take the blame for this. One may accept it or resist it, but fear this situation. “She might not be who I think she is and if I stay there, I will not be in the place where I originally wanted to be” Or: There was a situation of getting to know each other and a separation occurred which is felt to be fatal. Or: You are afraid that the relationship might be “too good” and this intoxication makes you vulnerable, or that you might lose your old familiar life because of this new situation.

Tim Buckley – Morning Glory
Gerhard Gundermann – Der Narr
Jackson C. Frank – Tumble In the Wind
Mia Doi Todd – My Room Is White
Karussell – Als ich fortging
Silvio Rodríguez – Oleo de mujer con sombrero
Lana Del Rey – Cherry
Morcheeba – Fear And Love

Note: Music is free and the assignments made here are for entertainment purposes only and can never restrict a song to only these aspects.