“You are so fragile and innocent. You bore me and I despise myself for it, because you do not deserve to be exiled. That’s why I hate myself. When I’m sober, it all comes back up and I can’t control myself. I dissociate and reflect on the cataclysm that has been committed. I have to drink to forget you, because only then can I stay in the moment without having to hate myself. Whoever wrote this text is contemptible, because he tries to understand what is not to be understood and plays it up like a theatre. What do you have to give me? You disappointed me (much too late), because I revealed myself to you and you held it up like a trophy.”
Note: I have made the following music selection for myself. It may therefore appear to you (the reader) to be unsuitable for this structure, as it is based on personal criteria.
I don’t make deals
“They want to negotiate with me about love, as if they only had to put enough attentions towards me in a scale and then I would repay them with my love. But love is not a contract. If you don’t suit me, then it’s better if you just leave, because your love is not enough to stay with me.”
You lie to me
“If you put your own needs aside and take note of the expectations that have been expressed to you and decide to fulfill them (this is your free decision), then the scales are balanced, because I have to bend over backwards to stay in contact with you and you don’t even notice. If you make this sacrifice, however, then we have both made concessions to each other. But you only pretend that you are ready for it and nothing happens. I’m not going through with this anymore because it’s beneath me.”
Leave me alone, I don’t want to lose you
“You have to leave now. I will erase the contact with you and go somewhere else where I can start over. If you continue to disturb me in my thoughts, I will take drugs to forget this. Because I have good reasons for acting in this way, which you cannot understand, because you cannot assess my situation. And yet you keep trying, even though I have told you I don’t want to.”
I don’t want to need anybody
“Being dependent on someone is terrible. I’ve never had freedom my whole life. Always someone wants to have and possess me for himself or lock me up in his fantasy world. That’s why I have to push you away, because you want something from me again, too. What do you want that you can’t give yourself? What do I have? You always pretend to me that you are really interested in me and then it is all about one thing again. If only I didn’t feel so damned reduced.”
Take your illusions for yourself
“I’m out of here. I hope you got what you wanted from me. Was it enough? I was patient enough and you missed your chances, didn’t even see that you had any. You’re always pretending you care about me. But when I was in real trouble, there was no one there for me.”
You fall off my diamond roads
“Yes I am a person who wants to fight for what frightens others. I seek true contact. I climb mountains and look up from there to the sky: up there, written in the stars are the people I miss. You do not have the ability to cling to me up there. Can’t you see how they sparkle? I drink bitter herbs to see these streets. If you cannot or will not take these bitter herbs, then you cannot stay with me.”
Love is cruel
Love separates us from each other. Just because you love the loved subject, you do things that are harmful. The act of banishing the other can thus be understood as grace. One feels understood by the other in banishment, because the other person knows this feeling of being brought into such entanglements by his own love.
You finish what is just beginning
“Don’t you always remove the people who really care about you from your life in an unresolved way? It makes you sad to know that you interrupt so many contacts in your life and thus deprive them of the opportunity to grow into something that can be of value to you. You also know about this and have considered this, but it was not possible to keep in touch because you had to protect yourself. They try to follow you and none of them knows if you keep them in your heart when you leave.”
Note: Music is free and the assignments made here are for entertainment purposes only and can never restrict a song to only these aspects.