It has been found that the beloved subject has been harmed. One would like to apologize for that. If the apology is “pure”, then one is also primarily interested in recognizing and understanding the suffering and sincerely wishing that the loved one is better off. One looks for ways to help with the repair and rather not to be forgiven. It is rather selfish to wish first and foremost to be forgiven instead. The intention is important here, because it creates the basis.
Note: I have made the following music selection for myself. It may therefore appear to you (the reader) to be unsuitable for this structure, as it is based on personal criteria.
Please understand that it was an accident
“Sorry I did it, but I couldn’t help myself at that moment. It’s not my usual style”
The sincere wish that the beloved subject might understand that she was not deliberately harmed, but that it was an accident. One wants to show the beloved subject that one actually wants to do her good, to please or satisfy her. To say this in this way is especially relevant if you have so far failed to show the beloved subject that you are genuinely interested in her well-being.
What’s done is done
In order to be able to walk the path to reconciliation, it is important not to blur the deeds that have been committed or to present them differently than they were. If something cannot be clearly identified, how can it be forgiven without leaving a hint of doubt? It can be forgiven, but it can only be forgiven if these doubts can be removed. And this can only happen when the situations are understood.
Recognizing vanity and double standards
“He may be vegan or vegetarian, but he’s going downtown in a big fat SUV.”
You always pretend to be a helper when you’re not. You pretend to be someone who is free of guilt because he has already paid enough indulgences. If one cannot recognize the vanity and double standards in oneself, one inflicts suffering without even noticing it. Or you tell yourself that your friends, your own group has the right to act like shit because you feel obligated to them, even though someone in your circle of friends is misogynous.
“I can’t not hurt you. I understand it and I admit it to myself. I won’t fool you anymore.”
It is precisely this pretence that can prevent forgiveness, because if you keep holding on to the fact that you can do something even though it is not true, then you cannot find common ground with the beloved subject for a dialogue on an equal footing.
Note: Music is free and the assignments made here are for entertainment purposes only and can never restrict a song to only these aspects.