It scares me to show myself as I really am. Because every time I do, I get dumped.

“I always show the chosen people who I really am. Always immediately, when I’m just getting to know them. I show them that I am vulnerable, and that I have been hurt. Because I cannot bear to be left by them, when I actually have love for them. I can’t stand how they tear my heart apart then, because it has happened so often that it feels like a curse. Each time I lose a part of myself, this way. In the end I only have a little bit of myself left. But I can pretend so well that no one really sees me. So I can protect myself, to expose my true self to them, on which they only trample with their promises and good wishes; with which they build up a distorted image of me in their fantasy. But from the few whom I despise, when they have finally betrayed me. In front of these few I must not pretend. I must show myself to them immediately and always in all my actions as I really am. And they have to do the same. I expect it from them. Because that’s the only way we can stop pretending to each other.”

That loneliness behind the mask. No one sees me

NANA – Kuroi Namida
Daughter Darling – Sad And Lonely
Van Morrison – Who was that masked man

If I show myself like I am, they run away.

“I have been so often negated that I have become a negation myself. I took all their rejection like a sponge. I carry within me, what others have made of me. And now I even have to suffer for carrying this within me. It is in me and when I take off my mask you will see it too. And then you run away and I have to be left alone with it.”

Fantômas – Twin Peaks Fire Walk with Me
Gundermann & Seilschaft – Weißtunoch

Note: Music is free and the assignments made here are for entertainment purposes only and can never restrict a song to only these aspects.

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