Hidden behind the atopic experience

Writing down specific features of an atopian experience in relation to the Beloved Subject that do not relate individually to the Lover. Naming these features helps to promote individuation because it allows reflection. Even though the website has almost no readers here, the “public” here gives me the feeling of being in the public eye and therefore I can focus on the whole thing better than if I just write it down for myself without ever publishing it. I simply get forward better that way; and to discover important issues that are inherent in the Beloved Subject (Unloved) and that simply weren’t brought out properly in the emotional fields. I must not neglect to bring these topics together, so don’t hesitate just because they are too close to the atopic experience (Limerence). The emotional fields are only what is triggered in the lover when he is in conflict with the here mentioned characteristics of the atopian being. That means: if he does not twist, wants to hold on, wants to have, wants to devalue, wants to evaluate etc. Outside of it, however, is the “wanting to understand” what has actually gone wrong. The emotional fields are here a component of the reaction and not of the actual situational contact. The emotional fields are reactive and symbols in the dream world of the lover, which for example let him act thoughtlessly etc. but they are not part of the actual getting to know each other and they are possibly not really decisive for whether the contact had to break up or not. I have shown this in a somewhat esoteric way in “change” and “dignity”, but only the individual experience is ultimately relevant and this did not take place in a dream world, but in reality. Even if the Lover himself spent a large part of it in the dream world, the Loved Subject was present in reality and had individual events of contact with him/her, which led to realistic decisions. To call all of this “atopic” is actually an insult to the Beloved Subject, which I have not yet come up with, because it blurs a formerly existing exchange and transfigures it as if it had not been visible to the lover behind a veil. Actually, this whole page is in a way already because of the name (Atopoi) an affront to the actually exchange which has taken place – in order to deceive or to want to blur it. But I want to reclaim these repressed aspects and not blur them. They should be meaningful, because they are relevant for me and have shown me meaningful experiences, as I have suppressed them for myself so far. So it is also a part of my individuation or finding meaning that I can also bring the topics that I have noticed about the Beloved Subject to bloom, because they concern and interest me. Not only because I may repress them in myself, but also because I admire them or give them a higher meaning. I have to struggle with these views. I must not simply call them higher-valued or atopian, because that is what I am reducing them to. I want to become faithful to them, because they have revealed what I also consider to be true in many places. The realization that in the situation where a first meeting took place, I was looking for someone like that, who makes sense, because all things were the same to me. Everything was the same to me. And I was thrilled that someone showed me that it doesn’t have to be like that, but that there can be meaning in personal contacts, which I had never experienced before but now I got a first idea of it.

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