Than just going away

It was a festival in town. He stood in front of an indian take-away with his food, and looked into the crowd in an enjoyable way. The sun was shining and all the people walked happily through the passages that opened in front of him. He was lost in thought and suddenly he froze and let his gaze turn slightly to his left side. Although everything around him was free, a lady suddenly stood right next to his left side. Much too close, actually, in terms of decency. She had longer brown hair, sunglasses, a slightly tanned taint and was dressed in a batik skirt and a black tank-top. The casual outfit was completed by arm jewellery and low shoes. How should he react now? They hadn’t seen each other for a long time and now chance should have really brought them together here? Why didn’t she say anything – did she want to check him again, how he reacts and if he is willing to take up the interaction with her? His thoughts were rattling. What was there to do? He couldn’t talk to her, even though she looked very much like her (with those sunglasses and the outfit), but it was so insecure that he thought he could embarrass himself. He perceived her aura. This feminine and gentle charisma that could be so deceptive because behind cigarette smoke and clear words he had already felt the meaningful intransigence. At the same time he saw himself and her, as seen from the outside by a third person: both of them standing there, they had almost the same height. Somehow compatible and somehow similar, but still so different and he suddenly felt inferior. Shortly afterwards he strengthened himself with good persuasion. He told himself, that it wasn’t bad to be different and if she heard the right words she would understand him, too. Heavy-hearted he went aside with his food in hands, so that he looked in a different direction. As he looked around after about 30 seconds, he saw the woman walking towards a certain passage. He grieved himself and ate further. He continued to eat his food and thought: If she wanted to test him now? Maybe she wanted to test him, to see if he was faithful enough to follow her. Maybe this was all a test. Maybe the silent situation was an agreement and it was the intention that nothing was spoken. Maybe this time she wanted to give him a chance to come together without all compatibility and without language, just like that. He swallows the confusing thoughts. Would it be the right decision to just go away now, again? He felt the emotions screaming in him: “what should i have done?”. Simply going away was the wrong decision the last time. This time it should be different. He walked a few steps over the place in front of him and stood on the other side behind one of the stands. It had been a good idea to stay in the situation. From this side he had a bigger view and he saw the woman sitting and leaning on one of the sidewalk lashings that separated the sidewalk from the street. She hadn’t gone any further away. She just sat there and didn’t smoke either, but seemed lost in thought to look into the passage. He could only see her brown hair and the sunglasses that peeked out behind the edges of her hair. It really seemed to be her. It was her stature. He was tense but still felt defenseless and cowardly. It had nevertheless been better to wait. He felt a slight triumph. At that moment it seemed to him like staring into that special reflecting blue sky in which only those little white clouds can be seen: that clear blue sky revealing the atlas size of the most heartfelt world. It felt, as if they were both in exchange with each other. He imagined that they both communicated and he had been thinking for 30 seconds about going over to her. It felt as if she deliberately wanted to turn her back on him… suddenly the woman stood up, in front of her appeared a quite tall and slightly fat man with a little unkempt but chic hair tied together in a braid and sunglasses he had put on his hair. It was one of those rocker types, looked something like Roky Erickson from the 13th floor elevators in his grandpa days, but still very trained. Which means: the two were a strange couple. She, the alternative (still almost youthful/rebellious) fellow thirtiegness and him: obviously already at a rather old age and of much bigger stature, but somehow it fit: both had a similar style. It’s not clear whether it was a pimp guy or a cool rocker guy. But he looked kind of tolerable. The two must be a couple, because she recognized him and stretched out both her hands towards him. After a short chat he gently took her by the hand and the two came in his direction. You should have seen his face as he looked down and ate the last remnants of his indian dish as the two of them walked right past him. The woman must have wondered why he hadn’t eaten in the same place as before, but was now looking directly in her direction. He stood there for a while after the two had passed by. Then he threw away the empty plastic plate, shrugged his shoulders and thought: it was still better than just going away.

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