Disclaimer: what I have understood here may be faulty and should be discussed and questioned in dialogue with the Beloved Subject. In this respect it is only what I have understood and may not correspond to reality in everything. However, I hope that I have correctly recognized the key points, otherwise it would be a pity.
Feeling intimacy (giving intimacy) – For this you need: To be loved, recognized and accepted holistically. If this is given, there is no blind spot left that the other person does not know. The other person must want to get to know you. He must not be arbitrary in his language and logic. His behavior must be causal and congruent, so that no misunderstandings arise; or these can be resolved directly, Since misunderstandings sabotage the feeling of intimacy. Being close must want to be felt reciprocally, otherwise one cannot go deeper, because the other person is always satisfied too early already. The other person needs an attitude and opinion (something tangible). If someone is arbitrary, he cannot be loved very much, because there is no sensation of a specific and special place where one can be (not like any other place in the world). He must therefore be sensual (have his uniqueness) and be willing to share it with others, so that you can get to know him. He must therefore have an attitude and opinion so that one can enter into an exchange. He needs fire and urge to go to the root of a topic in dialogue and must want to judge (he must not be peaceful, boring, must not show that he doesn’t care to follow a topic to the root by simply changing topics — all like small talk without meaning), because otherwise you never have the feeling that he is really there. The exchange is promoted by logic and language, so that there is no empty talk, but a coming closer to each other. The physical drive is also meaningful, because it is true what the body says, if you find another person attractive and want to be near him, then it is a fact (spelling is important, because a wrong comma decides the meaning of whole sentences). Facts make sense and you should always say what you think, it only needs to make logical sense. But: limiting the other person to a thing that you want to have from him sabotages getting closer (friendship), because it leads to the fact, that you do not feel accepted holistically, but only for one aspect (being used). Therefore: Totally or not at all.