The emotional fields were assigned to all possible categories (Yin/Yang, passive/active, … ) but their true/meaningful assignment is obtained through the path of contact between the lover and the beloved subject, because this contact led to the lover being challenged in his self-understanding and the emotional fields effectively taking possession of him, so that he could not represent a self, an order to the outside, because this order was constantly undermined by his ego and his selfish desires in conflict with his suspicions and desires of something platonic/a platonic contact with his beloved subject. Border violations are not simply tacitly accepted by the Beloved Subject, but the sense of exchange is considered to be of primary importance. The lover’s idea of giving the beloved subject that which he has and which he thinks is what she needs is put to the test. It turns out that it is important that the Loved Subject does not accept this rotten deal (the adjustment to expectations) and rejects it. In this way she can experience self-determination and the Lover can learn in the face of this that you don’t bend a person in the way you would like to have him/her as a reflector for one’s own selfish expressions (and then react passively-aggressively if this “experiment” didn’t work out), but you can interact/communicate and thus find out what the other person really needs / likes and how you can do good to him/her without ever having to fear being condemned.
| The Lover (“Rescue” and his emotional fields) |
The Beloved (Beloved Subject) (“Unloved” and her emotional fields) |
| 1. shows to her, what she does not need, but what he feels for her
– Desire (Negative, Yang, Expectation) “I want something bad from you” |
2. shows her dignity, and why she does not need what he feels for her
– Reveal (Positive, Yang, Surrender) “No, I won’t give you that, but I’ll show you what I appreciate” |
| 3. shows, what he believes she needs and what he feels for her even deeper inside
– Rescue (Origin, Yang, Expectation) “I got something else good for you, too” |
4. is challenged in her dignity and her sense of congruence with his various positions (also: why does he bring out his second position only after the first, i.e. reactively to the demonstration of her dignity)
– Insecure (Negative, Yin, Disappointment) “that way it’ s no good, and not everything about it is good either way” |
| 5. loses his sense of congruence, because he has recognized his different positions, feels misunderstood by her and does not know/understand himself
– Scared (Negative, Yin, Disappointment) “I’m scared of rejection and want to stay”
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6. loses faith in a meaningful exchange with him, because he is afraid of her and he cannot explain his incoherence to her.
– Reject (Negative, Yang, Adaptation) “there’s no other way if you just let it go”
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| 7. is valuing her and hoping that she will accept him anyway, although he cannot explain himself coherently to her.
– Ashamed (Negative, Yin, Surrender, Exit) “I understand, but I don’t know myself yet. Is that okay?”
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8. protects her dignity and hides herself from him by showing him that she goes deeper than his assessment.
– Defend (Positive, Yang, Surrender) “you just want to stay and no: you don’t understand me”
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| 9. shows to her that the exchange with her was enriching for him (which it was), because he believes that she needs to see that it was enriching for him.
– Muse (Positive, Yang, Bridge) “because I’ve been so hurt, I reflect on everything and can now see you for what you are.”
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10. is hurt by his renewed incoherence and reacts with emptiness to his alleged abundance depicted opposite her. Is challenged again in her dignity, as he assesses what she needs, instead of paying attention to her already presented dignity/limits and understanding himself and his intentions with which he tries to “rescue” her
– Emotionless (Negative, Yin, Disappointment) “you took a completely wrong turn and that is an understatement.”
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| ?. shows what maintains the congruence and communication between the two and what confirms her dignity and gives him self-knowledge and self-assurance.
– Bridging (Positive, Yang, Bridge) |
?. is confirmed in her dignity and her self, because the communication has no misunderstandings and she feels seen, understood and loved
– Free (Positive, Yin, Surrender)
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